The destination myth is prevalent in today’s society. It leads us to believe that it’s the destination, and not the journey, that is important. As a result of this, once we reach our destination, it can leave us feeling stuck and underwhelmed.
During my journey to mortgage freedom there were times when I became caught up in the destination myth. It wasn’t a conscious choice, but because I was so focused on reaching the destination of being ‘mortgage free’ there were times when life slipped by in anticipation of the next paycheck and the dream of an idyllic future.
It’s easy to do, when you’re so focused on reaching a goal, you can begin to neglect the present. Then when we reach that destination we’re left feeling stuck and unsure of what to do next. And if the destination doesn’t have the desired impact upon our lives, we can be reluctant to make a change because of the time and effort we’ve invested into it.
The Destination Myth
This isn’t surprising as throughout our lives we’re fed the destination myth. Through school, college and even university we’re told to work hard and meet societies expectations with the promise of reaching our own personal utopia.
But what happens when we reach that destination and realise that the reality doesn’t live up to the myth we’ve sold ourselves for so many years?
Utopia or Utopi-urgh?
We’ve all been there – you get that coveted job, new possession or reach a financial goal and something doesn’t quite feel right. After the initial buzz of success, you realise that you’re still just you and life goes on around you as before.
You’ve fallen for the destination myth and now feel a bit stuck and unsure how to proceed. Afterall, you’ve worked for years to achieve this, surely you should feel better about it, happier perhaps?
But as you’ve poured your heart and soul into this ‘achievement’, you’re reluctant to throw it away. So it comes as no surprise that you pigeon-hole yourself.
Yes, you might try to instigate some change in your circumstances. If it’s a career you’re unhappy with, you might do this by climbing the ranks, seeking promotion or a change of location. But the chances are that your focus will remain within the boundaries of your current area employment.
Throw mortgage payments, car payments and family commitments into the mix and it becomes even harder to claw your way out. The pigeon-hole becomes a rather cozy and safe place to be. You know you can pay your bills, support your family and buy those new goodies that you want. But are you really happy?
Being too comfortable
I started to think about the idea of being ‘too comfortable’ after discussions with colleagues and friends. On numerous occasions I’ve listened as they’ve told me they’re unhappy with their job, relationship or home situation. Either the spark has gone, or the role has changed and things are no longer what they once were.
I always remind them that they have ultimate control over their life and if they choose they can ‘vote with their feet’, walk away and find something more fulfilling. But once faced with this reality the response is usually one of the following…
- It’s not easy to get another job
- Nothing will pay as much as I’m on now
- I trained for years to get here, what else can I do?
It’s funny how money seems to trap us – we literally become a slave to the wage. But what price do we put on our own personal happiness?
The reality is our ‘normal’ and predictable day-to-day existence is comfortable. Uncertainty is uncomfortable. This leads to people clinging to the familiar, no matter how unhappy it makes them. They’d rather cling to this than risk facing uncertainty.
But what if being brave enough to look uncertainty in the face could give you an amazing future? What if all that stood between you and your dreams was for you to take a chance?
Joshua Fields Milburn did exactly that and the outcome was amazing!
So many of us become paralysed by fear. We’d rather stay in our comfort zone and tolerate a mediocre life than take a leap of faith into our own brilliance.
I’m the same, so please don’t think I’m any different. I paid off my mortgage and realised that, after the initial elation, everything felt just the same.
After the buzz had faded, the question ‘Now what?’ haunted me and I felt I’d lost my anchor. I’d been too caught up in my own destination myth to think beyond it.
The realisation hit me that I could no longer put things off because “I was paying off the mortgage,” and I became increasingly aware of my own responsibility for creating the life I wanted.
It was time to start becoming unstuck…
How to get unstuck
Change can be paralysing but it doesn’t have to be. When people imagine change they envision their whole lives transforming into something unrecognisable. But it doesn’t have to be that way, we can flirt with change and take it slowly.
To make change less scary, you just need to gently nudge yourself out of your comfort zone. By taking one tiny step at a time, you start to build up a mindset of resilience whilst acknowledging that you can change.
And by making change familiar it becomes less scary.
Below are some of the things I did to help me get unstuck and slowly shift me from my comfort zone.
Get up earlier
To begin with, make a commitment to one small change. It may be that you’ll wake up just 15 minutes earlier (in fact I recommend everyone starts with this). That’s not a lot is it? Yet what you can achieve in that time has the potential to be revolutionary.
You may use the time to meditate, work-out, journal about your dream life, meal plan for the week ahead.
What you do at this point doesn’t matter too much. It’s just about starting somewhere and building up your mindset towards change. The hardest thing with anything new is to build momentum. By waking just 15 minutes earlier you’re setting things in motion.
Get a grip of your budget
This is especially good for anyone who isn’t happy in their current job, as it’s the first step you can take to stop being a slave to the wage.
I won’t go into the details of how to set up a budget as you can find that here. But what you’re looking to do is calculate how much you really need each month to pay for the essentials.
Once you’ve done that, you may find that your employment options open up as you can afford to take a more enjoyable role that may pay less or you may choose to go part-time and give yourself more freedom.
Get to know yourself
It’s so easy to lose sight of ourselves when we’re caught up in the destination myth. By taking the time to journal and dream we can start to reacquaint ourselves with our true desires.
Ask yourself what you would like to do if money and time were no option. If you don’t get an answer then keep asking yourself. The answers will come. Pay attention to the things you’re drawn to – books, music, films… the answers may be right in front of your eyes.
Take action
Once you begin to realise what you’d love to do, then dip your toe into the water. I’m not talking about making a career shift here, I’m suggesting you take a tiny step in that direction.
For example, if you want to work with animals, see if you can volunteer at an animal shelter.
If you want to write a novel, commit to writing for 15 minutes a day. Even if the ideas don’t come, then sit at your desk for 15 minutes every day and allow the words to flow when they come – and believe me, they will.
If time is an issue because your work schedule is so demanding then see if you can reduce your hours. You’ve already calculated your budget, so you know how much you really need each month. If this is too scary then look at your schedule again, I suspect that you’ll soon find an extra 15 minutes each day.
Mind over matter
Once you start to make tiny changes in your life, you’ll start to notice a ripple effect. You’ll feel happier and more in control. Your interests will widen and you’ll feel less trapped.
Ultimately you’ll become more aware of your personal power and will become more mindful of your choices in the present day.
Yes, you may need a job to ensure you can meet your basic needs, but you’ll start to realise that you’re so much more than your job title or relationship status.
As you see that you can influence any area of your life, right now, the destination myth will loosen its grip.
So my challenge to you is to think about how destination myths show up in your life. Are you unhappy in a job or relationship? Or are you holding onto something purely because of the time or money investment?
What tiny steps could you make to begin to get ‘unstuck’?
Remember, although change seems scary, it can transform your life and lead to ultimate happiness.
Image courtesy of Anastasia Petrova on Unsplash